So this mediocre basketball player dude came out yesterday. Jason Collins, I'd never heard of him and neither have lots of other people. Probably only basketball fans who are really into knowing all the players and stats knew who he was. He has played for a bunch of teams and is now a free-agent. Maybe he will get a team, maybe he won't, I doubt it will be about who he dates, he seems like an inconsistent player, but like I said, I don't know much about him. Except that he's gay.
It seemed like a big deal at first, but something just kept nagging at me about the whole thing. All these great headlines about moving forward were floating around every news source available, but it didn't feel like a step forward. And then I realized why, because it's only a small step forward. It's some dude taking credit for being the first at something that so many women before him had done. It is a way for our society to continue the thinking that being a man = being good at sports and women, therefore a man who likes men is less of a man. (Also a man who is bad at sports is less of a man).
On the other hand, a woman who is good at sports and women...well she is basically one of the guys, so she gets instant respect. There are so many things messed up about that thinking. Why does "being a man" equal respect and not being one is a failure somehow? Why is manhood defined by such ridiculous markers as scores, in dating and sports.
This thinking is why we assume men who do things like figure skating, ballroom dancing, or yoga are gay. Because those are womanly sports, if you're not man enough to play a real sport like football, you're not man enough to date women. It's basic failed logic.
This type of logic tells us that women are less than men. They are not as good. When a football coach calls his players ladies, he is insulting them. We tell people not to throw like a girl, to man up and shake off that pain. And when we tell girls to be ladies, we mean put on a dress, cross your legs, and stop talking. Just giggle and agree with that man that escorted you here. These are all super gross concepts and even people that say they are not feminists will agree that it is absolutey absurd that we teach girls that being a woman means sitting down and shutting up. But people don't feel the same way about what we teach boys that being a man means.
They way we raise boys to be men is not by teaching them to respect the people around them, not by teaching them that real men have good sportsmanship. We don't teach boys that to be a man doesn't mean you have to be good at football, and if you like to do ballet that doesn't make you any less of a man. We don't tell boys that they don't have to fight. We teach boys that real men fight for what they want, women, pride, whatever, it's all worth a little blood. But wait, winning that woman is worth a little blood? No wonder men think they can beat women into dating them, they are taught to fight for what they want, not to respect another persons personhood.
And so we have today's sports culture. A place where real men make it into the NBA, so they can't be gay. And if masculinity = being good at sports and liking women, then any woman that makes it into the WNBA is obviously gay. Which means that when a woman who is gay comes out in a professional sport, its not courageous, its not a step forward, it's simply confirming what we already knew. But when a man does it, well that's courageous and barrier-breaking and proves that who you date has nothing to do with your sports talent.
We all know that sports is one big double standard having, rape apologizing, misogynistic place. But the actual sports part of the sports culture is great and I would appreciate if I could enjoy sports without having to feel guilty about perpetuating everything I hate about this society.
I would also really appreciate it if CNN and all the other news sources could stop saying, "first person to come out as gay in pro sports." Jason Collins did something great, but his headline has a lot of specifiers. Here is his real headline: "Jason Collins comes out as gay, making him the first active male American athlete in one of the four major sports to come out as gay." Sorry it takes a long time to say but lets not forget about all the people before Jason Collins that made this path easier for him:
Billie Jean King....Pro Tennis player: gay
Megan Rapino...Pro Soccer player: gay
Chaminque Holdsclaw...WNBA: gay.
Lauren Lappin...Olympic Softball (because we don't have pro women's base/softball): gay
Sarah Vaillincourt...Olympic Hockey (^ same problem): gay
Jamie Kuntz...Kicked of his college football team for being: gay
Stephen Bickford...Pro Soccer: gay
Wade Davis...NFL, came out after he retired: gay
Jason Somerville...Poker (which is not a sport and should not be on this list, but it is lol): gay
Luke Huff...Motorcycle Racing: gay
This could go on forever so I'll stop, but you get the point. What Jason Collins did was amazing and great and a step forward, but not the first step. I mean, guys, Billie Jean King. What if Neil Patrick Harris had taken credit for being the first comedic actor to come out, when Ellen really took that leap? So if you're wondering if sports still disregards women as actual people: yes, yes it does. Let's work on stoping that.
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